The Williamsons

It's been so so long since I have blogged. 2012 to be exact. It's not from a lack of things to say but more from a lack of time. The past few years I've been working hard and focusing on other areas of my life. I obtained a masters degree, moved into a school counseling position and had an amazing baby boy. Time has flown by and I am very thankful for this life and the journey I have been blessed with.

So why blog now???

This morning I was playing with our son, Reed, and I felt like it was time that I share our story. Oddly enough my sister-in-law shared a blog with me this morning about a pregnancy similar to ours and I learned that it just so happens to be the Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy Awareness Month. A disease that shaped my pregnancy journey into a very painful and very scary ending.

So here it goes...

Clint and I knew we wanted kids, we were getting older and decided it was time to try to start a family. After trying for a baby and finding out that we were pregnant so quickly everything seemed to continue to happen at a rapid rate. We were prepared for the many variables to becoming pregnant: possible infertility, adopting and the various routes that we might take to becoming parents. Our hearts were so focused on those 'what ifs' that we were completely shocked when we became pregnant. I think we shocked our families, too!

Everyone's journey is unique and we didn't know how our's was going to take shape. We were overjoyed and had all the typical worries that new parents-to-be have.

First Trimester:

I had a positive pregnancy test a few days into my pregnancy, which means that my hormone levels were extremely high....which also means morning sickness....which also means a healthy baby (hallelujah). Now when I say I had morning sickness it wasn't your typical kind that you see in the movies...I had the lovely kind of sickness where I felt so so sick, my stomach hurt all day long but I didn't/couldn't throw up. I was nauseous 24/7. Smells really started to get to me. The smell of meat made me so sick and I love a good burger, but I didn't/couldn't throw up and I felt miserable. I was eating a paleo like diet at the time (and had been for about a year) and didn't want to put any medicine into my body due to being pregnant. So I was trying to cope and function without any medicinal help. I try to eat chemical free foods, I use chemical free products (that I can get or make) so I stubbornly and stupidly dealt with all day sickness. I gained weight and most importantly Reed was healthy so I stuck it out. I'm sure I was a real joy to be around and I'm sure people thought I was just complaining. I was sick but wasn't throwing up. So on the outside it didn't seem that bad; on the inside I was hurting for the majority of the day. I would go to bed hurting and wake up hurting. I didn't really get to enjoy my pregnancy at this stage, I didn't get to enjoy this amazing miracle and I so wanted to. I wanted to be the mom who did everything perfectly, the mom who glowed and gushed, the mom that did everything possible to be healthy, but I was in too much pain to live out any of those fantasies, ha. I remember crying while in bed and apologizing profusely to Clint because my pregnancy journey wasn't starting off the way it should have. I was so sick for so long that I felt like I was punishing us all. It was like having the stomach flu for 12 solid weeks with no breaks. I felt so guilty that I couldn't overcome my sickness. I felt miserable emotionally; I felt miserable physically. I eventually threw in the towel and asked for my doctor to prescribe some anti-nausea medicine. Diclegis was a life saver, and allowed me to only feel sick in the mornings and evenings. I finally could focus on my sweet sweet growing baby. If there is a next time, I will not wait to ask for the meds, lesson learned, ha!

Second Trimester:

I felt like myself! I finally had the mind space to read and research, I could plan, I returned to working out, I relaxed and I enjoyed just being a happy pregnant person. I was a teacher at the time and I really took full advantage of my summer. This was my favorite time during my pregnancy. Sleep was good, I was free to be myself, it was amazing. Most importantly, feeling like myself allowed me to focus on my baby. I felt so strong and was mentally gearing up for the physical challenges coming up.

This trimester had one hiccup that we quickly overcame. It was also my first inclination that my doctor might not be the best person to be in charge of my health, more on this later. My hiccup: I almost fainted at a restaurant/bar while out with friends. It scared my husband and I was a little worried but knew that this wasn't uncommon for pregnant people. The fainting sensations continued and at my next appointment we did some blood tests....at my very persistent request. Sure enough, I was iron deficient and needed some supplements. As soon as I started taking iron I was back to myself in no time! I was also growing weary of my doctor and wanted to make sure she was watching my health very closely. She kept brushing everything off as 'a normal pregnancy symptom' and never addressed my specific issues with sincerity. I've had open heart surgery and was only cleared to push myself physically (run distances and have a baby) a few years ago. No one knows if my heart condition, SVT, will return and I need someone who knows what they are doing to be in charge of that, i.e. my doctor. But like I said, that was just a hiccup and we were back on track in no time...

Third Trimester:

Holy cow I was huge! Well not me specifically, but Reed certainly was! Every appointment my doctor would ask me what I was doing, what I was eating, why is he measuring so big. I had no clue and she certainly thought I was growing a beast child. We were all happy and growing so I just brushed off her comments and demeanor. People deliver large babies all the time and I would be fine. Everything was going well and I didn't care what size my baby was, it's not like I could control it 🙈

School was back in session and I was working in my new position as the school counselor at the same campus I previously taught at. Taking on a new position, working with a new team of people/personalities, no longer being in the classroom and being super pregnant was an interesting mixture for sure. There was never a dull moment! My plate was beyond full but I continued to rock my giant belly 😜 and I did my absolute best.

During my 36th week of pregnancy, on a Friday night/Saturday morning I couldn't sleep because I was itching so badly. The itching woke me from my sleep it was so forceful. I had experienced the normal growing belly itching...this was something much more severe. I was trying to overcome it mentally, which was driving me mad, I'd scratched until my hands got tired and it just wouldn't stop. I woke Clint up. Something was really wrong. No rash, no bumps, no marks at all. My husband and I started googling immediately and what we found was scary. We waited to call my doctor until around 5am. Her exact words were "you called me at 5am on a Saturday because you are itching? Take some Benadryl, do an oatmeal bath and I'll see you at your next appointment". I cried and was so embarrassed. She was making me out to sound like someone who whines and someone who bothers her, which quite frankly we paid a lot of money for her services so if I wanted to bother her I had every right to (I said stuff like that in my head though, not out loud). After all, this is the woman that was going to bring our son into the world (unless she was out of town and I would've been perfectly happy with that) so I needed to stay in her good graces. At this point I had never called her beyond scheduling appointments, which didn't even go through her, so I was shocked by her response. I did as was told, the Benadryl calmed me, the oatmeal baths took my mind off of the itching for short spurts and nothing completely solved the issue. Can you imagine itching from the inside out? It was the worst sensation. The entire time I was itching I was also thinking about Reed. Through our frantic late night googling we discovered that I likely had cholestasis and the biggest risk is having a still born. I needed to stay calm for Reed in this moment but all I could do was think about a possible still born baby. I had never been mentally challenged like that in my life. I was trying to control my emotions so I wouldn't cause Reed to panic, I was mentally trying to not let the itching get to me and I was terrified. I toughed it out for two more nights, somehow I attended work the next day and finally it was time for our doctor's appointment. She didn't mention cholestasis, it was a NORMAL appointment in every way until my blood was to be drawn and the nurse described the tests...one was for the bile levels in my bloodstream and the other was for my liver functioning. I was thankful to be tested and I was appalled that this wasn't being addressed/explained by my doctor...and I was itching the entire time. I was pregnant lady fiesty Kristen mad when I was back in my room after the blood samples...I asked my doctor why she ordered the tests and she said I might have cholestasis. Holy cow lady, do you think you could explain all of this to me...Google has told me more than you have!!! It took every ounce of humanity inside of me to smile and leave that day without making the news.

The blood tests came back with raised bile levels in my blood stream and good liver functioning. Sure enough, I had cholestasis. My case wasn't too severe at the time of the blood test, unfortunately the results take days (five in my case) and there was no guarantee that my bile levels weren't becoming increasingly toxic. The itching was intensifying which only made me think my blood was becoming more and more toxic. My doctor basically told us that as long as the baby was moving we were fine so I was told to count his kicks, which is not a very medically sound way to check on the baby. I couldn't believe my doctor was suggesting this and acting so nonchalont.

We went home. We counted kick counts, I tried to stay calm and we counted his kicks. I would lay in bed and sing to him and pray. I couldn't imagine going through all of this and not bringing our Reed home. He was so big that he didn't have much room to move around so there were many times when I wouldn't feel him at all. I eventually called the doctor crying and they let me come in so they could check him. He was doing great and I was thankful, but my bile levels could be killing him and I couldn't shake that. It was heartbreaking. My doctor prescribed some meds to help the bile levels decrease (the amount given was according to the old blood test levels) and to help with the itching. They didn't. I managed to work and not scratch my skin off for one week. Lots of crying, counting and praying for Reed. I spent many nights in the tub with 2-3 oatmeal bath packets with Clint holding my arm so I could sleep. I'm especially thankful for his love and support through this ordeal. He's such a strong man who stood by me through this disease. This whole experience was brutal.

Most women are induced at 36-37 weeks when they are diagnosed with cholestasis for multiple reasons. The bile level tests from the blood are not quick and the amount of bile in your bloodstream can increase daily. That same blood is given directly to your baby through the placenta. If it isn't regulated very closely the baby may not survive. Reed was measuring 43 weeks, we could've been induced and he could've been safe.

Two weeks went by from the onset of cholestasis, we went for my 39 week appointment (at that point I was really at 38 weeks and six days). We had no exact idea of what my doctor was going to do, she didn't prepare us at all. My appointment was once again a regular appointment, she asked how I was doing, I wasn't doing well and I couldn't put on a strong face at this point. The itching and the fear of losing Reed were really eating at me. She decided to call the hospital to see if they had a bed for me, she returned and said I was going to be induced! Check in was at 11am, we went and grabbed some food and Reed made his safe arrival at 10:39pm. I will blog about his birth story later. We were beyond relieved and beyond unprepared for his arrival but we could weather anything as a family after all that we had just experienced. Our faith and love pushed us through.

Our family is the most precious gift I have ever been given.

This is a very scary disease and when we were searching for information we didn't find a whole lot. I pray that someone who needs this information will come across this blog and be helped. Advocate for yourself and your baby. If you feel that you are itching beyond your stomach get it checked. Below are some great links to some websites that helped us!

P.S. I've already switched doctors and she seems knowledgable if/when we go through this again.